Missing Dad

Today has been one year since my dad died.  In a way I'm glad he is gone.  Now wait, before you think that is a terrible thing to say...hear me out.  In a way Dad died several years ago.  As the Alzhiemers progressed he forgot more and more.  At one point he didn't recognize me or my brothers.  When the time came when he didn't know who Mom was at least he knew that she was someone special and he would light up just seeing her.  Everyonce in a while Mom said that he would start crying and say he couldn't do it anymore.  It seems those were moments where he broke through the disease and had an understanding of what he was becoming.  So by saying that it would have been better to have died sooner is for his sake, not mine.  And for my mom's sake.  She worked so hard, held so much in.  Yeah, she probably made some mistakes, but then like raising kids, there is no manual to tell us what to do, say, or think.My mom misses him.  I'd like to spend more time with her.  I got to go down in February and help her out.  We didn't do much.  Watch TV, talk, go to Taco Bell or In-n-Out, but I hope that just being there helps.  She understands that the Lord wanted her to learn something by taking care of Dad.  She hopes she learned whatever it was.  The biggest blessing of Alzhiemers that I see is the victim probably doesn't have a clue that they are suffering, unlike a cancer patient who is aware of all the pain and inconvience.  The caregivers are the ones who have trouble dealing.  I guess in a way it prepares them for the death and allows them to spread out the grieving process.  I just had a friend die that I had grown up with.  He was 2 years younger than me.  He did have heart problems.  He died while riding a motorcycle in the mountains and the aren't sure if he had a heart attack and crashed or just crashed.  But it was sudden.  All the grieving is taking place now.  His mom is still alive and I really feel for her. 

From an "what is life all about" perspective my dad had a great life.  He had a family, grandkids, a career, and gave and received lots of love.  So I really miss Dad, but from an eternal view he is just one step ahead of the rest of us.  I guess he and my friend can catch up on old times.  

Love you Dad.